Like with my earlier post, this is a near complete rewrite of the second chapter. There are some pieces I saved from the earlier version, but not much. This revised chapter continues the same tone and narrative thrust I'm hoping to achieve with these revisions.
Enjoy!
Chapter 2
A Darkened Mirror
“Jason you know the rules:
Aaron goes to bed by nine, you be in bed by ten.” She
gave both of her boys a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow morning at the latest.”
Both boys watched
as she got into her car, opened the garage door, and drove away, leaving them
to fend for themselves for the night.
The
garage door, grumbling the whole way, closed and Jason turned to his brother as
it shut out the rest of the world and asked, “So,
what do you want to do?”
Aaron
looked up at his brother and shrugged. For a moment they stood there in
silence, staring at the garage door, and then Jason once again looked down at
his brother and asked, “You can watch a movie, I
guess. I have some homework to do.”
“Okay.” Aaron said, and they
left the garage and walked back into the house.
When
they stepped into the living room, Jason said, “Go
pick out a movie while I order the pizza.”
Even
though silence was the unspoken rule of the house, whenever their mother left
to run an errand or to spend an evening with one of her friends, that rule was
sometimes stretched. After all, the energies of a ten-year old were hard to
contain. And the moment Jason had allowed him to pick out the movie, Aaron
almost hopped his way to their collection of films, all the while quietly
repeating the same word over and over, “Pizza, pizza, pizza, pizza.”
Jason
picked up the phone and ordered two medium pepperoni pizzas, something he knew
both he and Aaron would like and finish, one pizza each. If he had to waste his
entire evening watching his brother bounce off the walls, he would at least get
what he wanted on his pizza. The girl on the other end of the phone said it
would take forty-five minutes to an hour, and Jason wished he had something to
drive so he wouldn’t have to wait so long,
but he figured that forty-five minutes wasn’t that
long of a wait; plus, he would be obligated to take Aaron with him, which was
not altogether a pleasant thought.
“I’m going to do my homework. The pizza will be here in a little
while. Did you pick a movie yet?”
Aaron
had chosen a movie already, but he held it behind his back, and his eyes were
looking at the floor when he spoke, “I want to watch . . . I
pick this one.”
From behind his back, Aaron
pulled out his favorite movie, the picture on the DVD was missing and the black
case opened far easier than it was supposed to, which led to all the scratches
on the disk. Jason wondered how the DVD player still played the poor thing.
“You’ve already watched this movie this week. Pick something else.”
“But I want to watch this one.” Aaron’s voice dropped to a volume that almost inaudible.
Jason didn’t feel like arguing. “Fine, go put it in.”
Aaron ran to the DVD
player and placed the disk in the tray. As the movie loaded, he ran to his room
and returned with his blanket, jumping onto the couch with enough force to bounce
him in the air a couple of times. Jason then went to his room to retrieve the
book he was supposed to read for class, but instead of grabbing his copy of Romeo & Juliet (a play he detested
because Romeo was such a whiner and he didn’t find
it remotely possible that two people could fall in love so completely, so
quickly that they’d marry and die for each other in the span of a couple of days), he
grabbed a worn, tattered book from his bookshelf. The cover read Adventures of Alice in Wonderland. Jason
didn’t know why he liked this book so much and was a little ashamed to
admit it; after all, it’s a book about a teenage
girl, and admitting such a fact would be beyond embarrassing.
Jason
returned to the living room, sat on the couch, and opened the book to his
favorite section, Through the Looking
Glass; it’s scarier than the first half of the story, which was exactly the
reason why Jason liked it. It scared him.
Looking up at the
television, Jason noticed that the movie hadn’t
started yet. The disk was still working its way through the previews.
“Why are you watching the previews? You do know that you can go
straight to the movie by pressing ‘Menu’ don’t you?”
“I like the previews.” Aaron answered.
“But you’ve seen them already.”
“You’ve already read that
book a million times, but that doesn’t stop you.” Jason couldn’t respond and, rolling
his eyes, returned to his book. Aaron returned to his movie, a smug smile on
his face—a child’s logic at times is quite
unassailable.
* * *
Forty-five minutes later
both of them were completely engrossed in their entertainments. Atreyu and
Sebastian were making their way through The
Neverending Story, and Alice was making her first moves on that giant
chessboard when a flash of lightning cut through the darkened living room,
followed by a roll of thunder that shook the house. A very hard rain driven by
a ferocious wind slammed against the windows, and moment later, the house was
plunged into darkness. Aaron screamed.
“Aaron, stop it. It’s okay. It’s only a thunderstorm.” Aaron did not stop
screaming. Jason stood up and felt his way to the kitchen, hoping to find the
flashlight before Aaron’s screams shattered the
windows.
A minute later, Jason
found the flashlight and turned it on, pointing its beam directly at Aaron so
he could see the light. Aaron stopped screaming as soon as the light hit his
tear-streaked face. Jason almost felt sorry for the little monster, if only his
ears weren’t still ringing.
“There, are you happy now?” Aaron nodded. Jason
returned to the living room and sat back on the couch, keeping the light as
close to Aaron as possible for fear of instigating another fit.
“So what do we do now?” Aaron asked, his voice
shaking.
“We wait. I’m sure the electricity
will be back on soon.”
“How soon?”
“I don’t know. I don’t work for the power company.” Jason said rolling his
eyes.
“I don’t like the dark.” Aaron retreated further beneath his blanket.
“I know. But… I guess there’s no time like the present to get over that particular fear.” Jason turned off the flashlight.
“Turn it on! Turn it on!” Aaron yelled. “Stop it! It’s not funny!”
Jason turned on the
flashlight. Its narrow beam hit Aaron’s face, and Jason felt a
bit guilty for plunging his brother into darkness. I guess he’s not a rip-the-bandaid-off
type of kid, Jason thought.
“Why are you so scared of the dark? Aren’t you a little old for that kind of thing?”
Aaron looked at his
brother, opened his mouth to say something, but changed his mind before
anything came out.
“What is it?” Jason asked.
Aaron shook his head.
“Come on. You can tell me.”
“You’ll laugh at me.”
While Jason did smile, he
could see that Aaron was truly worried about something. “I promise. I won’t laugh.”
Aaron looked at him, eyes
narrow, wary. “You swear?”
Jason crossed his heart
with his finger. “I swear I won’t laugh no matter what
you say.”
Aaron took a deep breath,
pointed to the entryway and said, “I’m scared of the mirror.”
To his surprise, Jason
didn’t find his brother’s response to funny at
all. No one in the house ever spoke about that mirror. Jason’s heart pounded in his chest, and the memory that had almost
surfaced not too long before started to overwhelm him. He closed his eyes and
took a deep breath, forcing the memory away, locking it away once again. Some
memories are best left hidden, forgotten if possible.
The
thunderstorm raged outside. Flashes of lightning cut through the curtains,
thunder roared, and both boys continued to sit in silence for a few minutes,
unable to speak.
“Okay,” Jason started after a few
minutes, after opening his eyes, “There’s nothing to be afraid of. It’s just a mirror.” His voice lacked conviction.
“No, it’s not.” Aaron said as the rain continued to rail against the windows.
“What?” Jason said, shocked. “Why do you say that?”
“It’s dark.” Aaron’s voice became shakier, his breath uneven.
“I know it’s dark, Aaron. The power’s out, remember?”
Aaron shook his head. And
while the tears had dried from his face, Aaron’s eyes
were wide and unblinking, staring through the darkness at the mirror. “Sometimes, when no one’s around, the mirror goes
dark, black, and I can’t see my reflection.” He paused, his voice getting shakier with each word. “Sometimes, I hear laughter. An old woman’s voice calls for me. She wants me to join her in the black mirror.”
“That’s impossible.” Jason’s own voice shook now. It
couldn’t be… It just can’t. Not now. “Have you every seen this old woman in the mirror?”
Aaron shook his head and shuttered. The very idea of seeing the
body that belonged to the voice in mirror seemed to terrify him more than the
dark itself.
Jason say silent for a moment, thinking. “Here, hold this for a
moment,” Jason placed the flashlight into Aaron’s small hands, “and point the
light into the hallway. I’ll be right back.”
“Don’t go!”
“You’ll be all right. I promise I’m not going to leave you.
Actually, I’m going to get you something that will protect you.”
“Protect me?”
“Yeah, I used to be scared of the dark, too.”
“You did?” The fear in Aaron’s voice ebbed away.
“Definitely. But I also had something you don’t at the moment, a
protection against the darkness. And now, I guess you need it more than I do,
so I’m going to my bedroom to get it. I’ll be right back here on this couch in
about fifteen seconds. Can you be brave enough for me for fifteen seconds?”
Aaron closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them. “Okay.
Yes. Just come back real fast, okay?”
“I promise. I’m not going to leave you alone in the dark for long.
You’ll barely even notice I’m gone.”
Jason stood and walked to the entryway. He avoided looking into
the mirror and turned into the hall. Outside of the flashlight’s beam, Jason
slowed, allowing his eyes to adjust. But he couldn’t take forever. Aaron was
waiting. He felt his way through the dark to his bedroom. Hands waving in front
him, feet shuffling, Jason reached for the top drawer in his dresser, fumbled
for the knobs, and pulled it open. His hands plunged into the jumble of
underwear and socks and in a couple of seconds Jason found what he was looking
for: the silver ring.
He held it in his fingers for a second. It glowed silver in the
dark, not bright, but just enough for Jason to see. Yes, it’s time. I have to pass it on. Jason shut the drawer and
walked out into the hall.
He stopped.
From the other end of the hallway, Aaron stood facing the mirror.
The flashlight’s beam was pointed at the mirror. The reflected light illuminated
Aaron’s small frame but nothing else. He was a dark body lost in an eclipse.
“Aaron? What are you doing?”
No response.
Then Jason heard something to freeze the blood in his veins: a low
laughter… an old woman’s laughter.
“Aaron, get away from there.”
No response. Like
the blood in Jason’s veins, Aaron seemed
frozen to the spot.
“Come on, Aaron. Turn around and walk toward me. I have something for
you.”
The laughter grew
louder.
Aaron turned to
face his older brother. The flashlight’s beam filled the hall,
blinding Jason for a moment. Aaron’s face looked dazed,
without any hint of life.
The laughter grew
louder.
Jason tried to
keep the fear out of his voice. He wanted to be strong. “That’s it, Aaron. Now walk toward me. You can do it. Step away from…”
Jason’s strength failed when he
saw something to stop his heart: The reflective glass in the mirror turned
black and started to bubble and boil. Long, black tentacles formed, pushing
out, lengthening, searching. And, like a squid gripping its prey, the black
tentacles wrapped around Aaron’s body.
“Aaron, run!” Jason yelled, but it was
too late.
In a flash of lighting, Aaron’s body was whipped away.
The flashlight flew from the boy’s hands and flipped
through the air, and Jason could do nothing but watch in terror as his younger
brother vanished into the darkened mirror.
Yikes! That last bit did its job, that was pretty creepy. I love the interaction between the brothers and the way you show the older brothers irritation with his younger brother but also his love and desire to protect him, I can definitely relate. I am itching to read the next chapter and the next after that. I really feel like these revisions are bringing this up to par with the later chapters of your story. When I believe it was when I hit the fifth chapter that I really started feeling a deep connection with your characters. And by the way incase I never told you I loved the character that lived in the tree that was the teacher (can't 100% remember the name). That particular character was real to me by the first meeting and I instantly could see and understand that characters motivations. With these new revisions I am now getting that attachment to Jason more immediately than the last time, though after delving further into the stories as I have already done I was already connected to him. I am seriously itching for the next chapters! You rock Tony!!
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